St. Patrick's
By Bill

This one is pretty personal. But, oh well. I'm giving all I have for this site. Why should this be any different?

    Sometimes in life you find yourself in a position where you have nothing. You feel that you have no hope in getting anything, and you're right there at that borderline, where you almost care about nothing.  Rock bottom is what I'm talking about.

   Ever been there?

   Things always seem to happen when things COULD be at their best. You have the world in the palm of your hand and then something happens that completely changes your outlook on things, or brings everything that's going well crashing down around you.  One summer in particular,  I had experienced this phenomenon.

   Everything was going great. I was staying with my parents while I was saving money to move back to Pittsburgh. The girlfriend that, at the time I thought was "the one" was getting prepared to come with me. I had a job making good money. (Well by today's standards, the money sucked, but for the time, I was pretty happy with it.)

    In a matter of a couple stormy days, it all came crashing down. At the time, it was like the end of the world. All the money that I had saved was wiped out with one quick unexpected bill.  Without going into details, it had become blatantly obvious that the girlfriend was NOT "the one". As it turned out, she was far from it. Lastly, I got a call from my best friend telling me that he was moving to Florida on a permanent basis.

   That night at work, I was like a zombie just going through the motions. I wasn't really there though. My mind was gone. That night I worked from 4PM to 4AM the next morning.  We weren't busy at all. There were really bad thunderstorms, and power outages everywhere, which at the time made me wonder what the point was in being open for business. The lack of business made things worse on me, emotionally. I mean without business to keep my mind occupied, I had time to obsessively brood over the events of the past couple days.

   4AM finally came, and I left work. It was only four or five blocks from home, so I walked to and from work every day. Normally, I'd walk pretty quickly to get home as I didn't want to waste any time, but that morning was different. I walked very slowly.

   You have to understand. I was DONE. The best way to describe my mood, I think would be to use the word, 'numb'.  I was tired of being sad. I couldn't do it anymore. This 'numb' feeling was not only emotional, but it was also physical. I hope you, reading this, can identify with this. It's actually a comfortable feeling.

   Now, anyone who knows me knows that I'm pretty passionate about the music that I listen to. I've always been a big fan of a band called 'Savatage'. This band is an acquired taste to be sure, but I really identified with their music. Anyway, they were known for their albums being what were called 'Rock Operas'. Their Rock Opera, 'Streets' was about a rock star named D.T. Jesus. He was a brilliant musician, but he kept allowing his drug addiction to ruin him. In one part of the story, his best friend tries to protect him from a pimp who wants D.T. dead. His friend is stabbed and killed. After his friends death, D.T. Jesus was DONE. He was tired of being sad. He just couldn't do it anymore.

   Walking the streets, he comes to St. Patrick's Cathedral.

   Walking the streets, I finally arrive at my house.

   I sat down on my front porch. The wind was blowing with gale force. I just couldn't go inside. So, I just sat there. Somehow, the story of D.T. Jesus went through my head, and I remembered the prayer that he spoke when he got to St. Patrick's Cathedral.

    It was actually a song written as part of the story for the Streets Rock Opera. It was called St. Patrick's, and it was written by John & Chris Oliva, and Paul O'Neil.

Hey there Lord it's me
I wondered if you're free
Or not asleep
This just won't keep
It seems I just don't see

Why all the things we asked
Or prayed would come to pass
Have gone unheard
Like silent words
That slip into the past

For Lord they're not schemes
Can't you tell dreams
Why do you
Let them slip by
Never even tried

It isn't you don't hear
There's far too many tears
Or can't you feel
Are we unreal
To one who knows no peers

You say we must pay dues
But still I am confused
I need to walk
And with you talk
Instead of to statues

For Lord they're not schemes
Can't you tell dreams
Why do you
Let them slip by
Never even tried

You take all the fame
But who'll accept the blame
For all the hurts
Down here on earth
Unnecessary pain

For surely you must care
Or are you only air
Built in out minds
When we're in binds
And never really there

And can we be tired of you
Is that something that we're allowed to do
For even the blind change their view
And it's time we tried something new

And so I pled my case
I'll now pull my escape
Didn't mean to doubt
What it's about
Seems I forgot my place

But if you find the time
Please change the story line
Or give a call
Explain it all
I'll even leave the dime

   So, on a whim I had recited the same prayer used by D.T. Jesus in the story. And I intensely felt every last word of it.

   As I finished the prayer, the wind immediately stopped blowing and everything became calm. Up until that point, it was very dark outside. The storm clouds had covered the moon which had not shown itself in over two days. But now, the storm clouds had dissipated, and allowing the full moon to illuminate everything in town.

   The clouds hadn't completely gone away. To the left of the moon, and about five times larger was an isolated cloud formation.

The cloud formation had the uncanny resemblance to a crucifix.

That morning, I knew everything was gonna be alright.